I hate myself... I hate my body

I fell off the exercise wagon since the last post.... no surprise my weight climbed back up to 251.5.

I hate it... I friggin hate this shit. I crave carbs I crave bread... I want to devour entire collumns of cookies and jelly beans. I want to be a body at rest. I got so tired of exercising my ass off only to get small incremental results of 1/2 pound... even after logging all my calories etc showing I was "in target" I was making no progress... I gave up.

It was the wrong thing. I have to fight the LAZY urge to say "F* it" I give up.

I hate changing up at the gym... I hate it that I sweat to simple work and it drips in my eyes... I am sick of dieting and not seeing any REAL friggin results. I hate trying to go for walks only to get shin splints part way through.

This bites... I hate my body ... it wants me fat. It wants me unhealthy and lazy.

Just getting it off my chest... I realize I don't much traffic but if you are reading this I sure could use some encouragement.

Must fight urge... Must overcome my body's complacent urges... Must get back on track.

Happy doctor

I hit 244.5. I went to see my doctor today and was beginning my tirade about how I am exercising, counting calories and making healthier choices and how it seems like I am going nowhere. The doctor stopped me and said " But I was going to ask you how you lost the weight."
It's slow. I hit plateaus. But steadily, I am losing weight. The doc explained to me that the plateaus are normal as my body shifts its mass to making muscle when we exercise. It sometimes spikes up. Patience and persistence is required.

Onward.

PTHS ( Post traumatic Holiday Syndrome)

On the 21st of December I weighed in at 247 and the next time I dared look at the scale was on January 2nd. As the scale was "warming up" ( digital scale) I was saying to myself " If it's under 250 I'll be happy." It returned with 247! No gain, despite the peak intakes on chritmas and New years eve festivities. My home elliptical broke over the break adn I was too far to drive into the work gym. Thank god for a record snow fall as shoveling equates rather well as a replacement exercise routine.

Later... I hope to be less of a man this year.